0 to 1

Dear Henry-
Today is your 1st birthday. I still am amazed that you are here: happy, healthy, and a really great little boy. You are truly a miracle. Your dad and I had a rocky road when we decided we wanted to be parents, we lost pregnancies, we were terrified that we could never have kids, and then after almost 2 years you came along. We don’t know why everything was healthy with you, but it was, and we are so grateful. December 4th you joined us, all 9lbs 3oz of you strong and healthy.

This past year has been a learning curve for us. Looking back at our first few weeks I can’t believe how much your dad and I have learned. A bath was a intimidating thought, keeping you clean, clothed, and fed involved a lot of planning and worrying. Now it is the least of our concerns. You are curious, walking, and getting into anything and everything that comes across your view. You have changed so much it is unbelievable. We are saying goodbye to our baby and trying to keep up with toddler Henry as you turn 1.

You are/were such a good baby. A lot of people that have spent time with you tell us that we are lucky to have a such good-natured baby. I agree. You are a pretty easy going guy, and most of the time you are happiest playing around with your dad and me. You started sleeping through the night at 3 months, sat up at six, crawled at 7 months, and the biggest life changer for us is you learned to walk at 11 months. Since then we have been following you around while you stumble and explore the house.

I should confess to you that I secretly think you are brilliant. Well maybe not so secret. The funniest thing I heard about parenting is that you can go through a span of an hour thinking your baby is a genius when he walks early, to worrying about his mental capacity when he tries to lick a dog. Yep, you do that. I think in your mind you are just returning the favor. What I notice is that you are amazingly quick at picking up concepts. Your grandma teaches you to shake your head “no” during the day and that night I am contemplating calling the Doctor for head shaking. You have mastered some words: ball, picture, Hazel, dada. Still no mama consistently. I’m trying not to take offense. You are just starting to test limits, the phrase “no touch” is more of a challenge to you at this point. You absolutely LOVE the dogs, and they are pretty good at putting up with you. You follow them around the house, you pinch, squeal, pull, and dive at them. They usually try to keep out of your reach or look at us with some pretty sad eyes if you are petting them.

This year was a pretty hard for me. Our family lost your grandma Kate in April. You saved me this spring. I know it is a lot of pressure to put on your little blonde head. The fact that every day you woke up and still needed to be fed, changed, still smiled, still were your happy little self; it wouldn’t let me lose myself completely. I am still struggling with the loss, and I’m still counting on your sheer glee when you see me come home at night to keep that balance. The toughest part is knowing how much she was looking forward to you, and it still is heartbreaking that you will never get to know her. I know she would have thought that you are amazing. She would have been one of your favorite people; she would have made sure of it :)

I love watching you and your dad. You spend most of your days with him while I’m at work and I’m really grateful he has a flexible job that lets you be at home with him. He is a great dad, and I am in awe every time I watch you two together. You definitely have your dad's spirit, you both love each other and love to goof around. You absolutely light up when your dad walks into the room. He is the first one you look to when you are unsure. If you want some comfort you toddle over to me, but if you are deciding if you are brave enough- it's dad you look to. He is always there with a cheer or a reassuring nod. I think you will think your dad is pretty great as you grow up; and I think he'll think the same about you.

Happy Birthday baby boy, I hope this year is as great as the last one, and I can't wait to find out what you have in store for us. I am so grateful that you are my little boy, love you kidlet.

Love,
Mom